So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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