she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
