he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
