I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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