apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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