I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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