My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
