Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
