Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
