just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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