i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
