It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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