hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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