Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize