dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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