Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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