if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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