It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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