i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
