I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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