Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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