I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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