I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
