you lied. pity sex is amazing.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
