Don't make out with my wife yet
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I looked at my own cervix.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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