I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
