I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
