just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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