I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
