I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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