Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
