I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
