I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
