you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
