You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize