Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
