dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
