I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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