do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
