had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
