Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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