i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
