He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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