Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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