Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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