Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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