My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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