yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
