hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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