he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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