covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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