Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
