Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
