My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
