bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The Olympian is in my bed
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