i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just puked most of my soul out..
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