im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
