Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
