Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(951): View more from California

Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.

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(705): View more from Ontario

and you said cock pushups were impossible

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(905): View more from Toronto

Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language

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(312): View more from Illinois

if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself

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(740): View more from Ohio

I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out

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(303): View more from Colorado

I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.

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