woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
