I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
