Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
