Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
