I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
