My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
