This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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