Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
