Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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