You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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